Lets help S&T out :)

[BruceKO]

My good buddy S&T Kawaii Love has requested for help
http://www.hongfire.com/forum/showpost.php?p=538039&postcount=181

Hi people

There is this girl I am chatting and e-mailing with. She is Japanese but I am Western. She seems a bit shy. And I feel some barrier between us. I have contact with other Japanese too but she seems a bit shy. I think she isn't good in English and I don't want to push her. I talked to her about things like hobby, family etc.

I also talked about my love for anime, manga, cosplay but it's hard to keep her interested. I really like her and love to keep chatting with her. Does anyone have any ideas on how to form a bond

and I think HF community should do our best to help a person in need, but then since we should keep her thread solely for Yuri purposes, I decided to open a new thread else where so that everyone can help here

So here's my two cents:

OK, there are many steps to take in order to build a "strong" bond with her, for now I will give you advice on the first step.



Step 1. Break Down Initial Barriers

Possible Barrier(s): She's a shy person

Reason (General Case): No matter what reasons she has, the one general reason she has that makes her a shy person is because that she doesn't know you well enough.
Strategy (General Case): You have to break down this "stranger" barrier first in order to even get started on your "bonding"


Reasons (Specific Possible Cases):
Case 1. Since she doesn't know you well enough, she doesn't know what kind of response she'll get when she share's her opinion or thoughts with you
General Strategy: Show her that you are a nice guy, easily to get along and who accpets things as they are.
Specific Example: Talking about your hobbies will do nothing to contribute in showing her your nice personality, maybe you can talk about the nice things you did to your friends that shows a nice quality within you
Caution1: Remember talk in a casual way and skillful way so she won't mistaken you as a proud person who is boasting about yourself
Caution2: Remeber when you are sharing your experiences, always use "whatever whatever that happened today", because describing things that you did "today" has a stronger impact than describing things that you did... say "yesterday"


Case 2. Since she doesn't know you well enough, she doesn't know what kind of common interests you ppl have that she should talk about to keep this conversation going.
General Strategy: Talk about your all your interests until you ppl find a common interest.
Specific Example: S&T you already did a great job in this :D keep it up, just talk some more interests maybe like sports or fishing etc.
Caution1: Never talk about Religion, Politic, Ethnic, and Money until you are very sure you have a strong connection to her.
Caution2: Do not keep talking about yourself, you should make spaces or open questions for your partner to participate in, so she won't feel isolated and have bad impression about you being very selfish

Case 3. Since she doesn't know you well enough, she's afraid that she might shows you some "ugly" side of her when she's talking to you, that may result in you ditching her (basically she has low self-esteem)
General Strategy: Make her feel comfortable about herself.
Specific Examples: You should praise her often, and show interests in whatever she's talks about and whatever she's interested in (good or bad)
Caution1: Do not over-praise her, for that may make her feel uncomfotable and thinks you are faking that just to get along with her.
Caution2: When she does show an "ugly" side of her, dun disaprove her, but show interest in it.
Caution3: When that "ugly" side is very "ugly", dun say "I dun like about..." or "I hope you won't..." say "I hope in the future you will..." (in another words donnot use negative words such as don't or won't or stop, use positive words such as hope, wil, do etc.)
Caution4: When it is so damn very "ugly", dun just go "screw you", because all ppl can come in handy in the future.

Case4: Since she doesn't know you well enough, she doesn't like you
Remarks: LOL... goodluck buddy, taking down this barrier needs a mix of strategies from all above cases, remember dun over do it since she doesn't like you, just talk a bit each day just to "tickle" her and build on it slowly, it's a long process and you have to be patient.



Note: ONce you get through this barrier, you'll know when she starts talking to you openly, and it would take a long time (on of the longest and most tedious step) Contact me (that is if you liked my advice :D) and I shall post more

P.S. Crap wasted another 30 mins on this... really gotta go study now
Later S&T ;) and good luck

P.P.S. I should use my bribing power to bribe anyone who help him out here :D

[Atachi]

and why did you have to create another thread for this?

you just could've posted it as PM (or - to inform others too - as answer after his post), not in a new thread.

[BruceKO]

Atachi's first question


and why did you have to create another thread for this?

I read S&T's rules in his forum


♥~YUSHY RULES~♥

Rule nr1: If you want to share pictures then please use plain links and img tags. This means you can use links to where the picture is located. You can use img tags too but do not abuse them. This means posting an excessive amount of pictures in your post.
Rule nr2: No talk/posts about shonen and yaoi and other things with are not related to girl on girl.
Rule nr3: Keep this thread clear and structured.
Rule nr4: Do not spam, evil talk, complaining, flame etc and make a post only to post. Other users want to be able to find what they are looking for. Not go through useless post.
Rule nr5: No guro, shota and everything like that. Loli is allowed.

So I decided to be a good boy and follow the rule, as I have previously stated in my first post


and I think HF community should do our best to help a person in need, but then since we should keep her thread solely for Yuri purposes, I decided to open a new thread else where so that everyone can help here



Atachi's Second question


you just could've posted it as PM (or - to inform others too - as answer after his post)

Sending S&T PM would be easy, but how to I message other
Members: 97,481. So all the other nice HF members who have potential to help him out help? That means I have to type 97481 PMs :eek: .

[xaero]

Ok.. wait a while while I think of something other than what BruceKo have said =]

EDIT:First.. different people have different ways of seeing things. Example, person Y might think that something he/she said is normal, whereas person X might think its unappropriate.. so if you have to give your opinion about something, don't use words that are too 'strong'... :D

And this is what I have thought of ;

- Keep the conversation 'two-way'.
- Don't press on topics that you feel she's not interested in.
- Make sure she knows that your joke is a joke :D

This is about all that I can think of =[

Hope its enough.. :D

[BruceKO]

- Make sure she knows that your joke is a joke :D
That's a very good point you have there...
Sometimes she might misunderstand ur joke and take you as a "wierd" person instead of the "funny" person which you inteded for.
And that's bad...

Xaero is definately worth my bribe :D

Edit: Omega01 was right, I'm wasting my youth here, I should really start studying (I wanna get a PhD after all ;))

[Torch]

I find that text is nearly always the worst place to put jokes, unless the context correctly identifies it as a joke, without too much room for misunderstanding. The problem with text, you see, is that it doesnt allow for facial expressions, tone of voice, and bodily movements to identify the chosen joke for what it is. Textual jokes need be blatant basically, and that takes away from the enjoyment of the joke- to have it spoon-fed.

There is an art to telling jokes in written form, and it is difficult to master. The best technique that I find for telling jokes without being there to deliver them is to wriggle in anecdotes to your conversations that relate with the topic at hand. This allows you to set up more subtle jokes that will further the breaking down of barriers that you have already started to work on, and make it easier to find common ground. A secondary effect of anecdotes is that if you relate them to what she is talking about, than she will be able to see that you are paying attention (which makes it easier to get closer to girls with low self esteem).

Try to keep in mind that even though she is Japanese, and it seems to westerners that all there is in Japan is anime, manga, j-pop, video games, and costume contests, there is just as much mundane, boring junk that goes on day-to-day as happens here. Japan is not the land of bubblegum and gumdrops that we would like it to be, sad to say. School is one of the biggest concerns of teenaged japanese, anyway. If anything, most of Japanese girls that I have met are about as interested in Japanese anime than you or I are in Looney Toons, save for a select few that she may enjoy on a regular basis, and your stressing it as one of your main points of interest might seem a little wierd to her.

Lastly, keep your dirty jokes and anecdotes and stories to yourself. I can think of almost no circumstance in which it would be appropriate to tell one to someone who hardly knows you, or even someone who you have known for a bit longer than a "short" time.

[Anji]

My advice: Get past emails. I've found that unless there is a really great connection, girls get bored with email conversation very easily and drop out. If you could mix up your emails with real-time conversation like instant messenger or the telephone, that could really help things. Of course, if you don't know Japanese well and she doesn't know English, it could be trouble. Conversation-wise, it's always good to try to make her laugh. That usually helps break the ice more.

[zer0kage]

I wonder if this will help...Is there a difference between shy and what I seek btw? I dont mind if my ideal leads to the 'cool headed cold *****.' type. :D

[Redsuns]

This reminds me of Something.....Densha Otoko meets Sleepless in Seattle :D

Well, I'm not sure if it's too late. But Hang-on there kid we're rooting for 'ya

P.S.

Don't be like Yamada(Densha Otoko) Stuttering all the time or I'll Whack you with a Gundam MSiA :D