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View Full Version : Restrictions in a different way and a deeper feeling



JpnFfantasy
01-30-2009, 10:42 AM
It has been almost a year since my previous post http://www.hongfire.com/forum/showthread.php?t=79110

Apparently from what I hear from sources that this girl I like, DID have interest in me. I don't know if she still does. Lets get one thing straight from my post before. I don't care about the whole being JAP and only going after my people.

Last March she asked me to tutor her Japanese cause she wasn't getting it for her class. I go tutor her, then I really wanted to pursue her but I remember her telling me that she has no interests in me a few weeks before hand. Well 9 - 10 months later, I find out she really did have interest in me and she wanted me to pursue her that day. Apparently she was giving me all these so-called signals that I didn't really catch cause I'm a retard. How do I know that those things were signals if she was doing the same thing to other people?

After the tutoring I really wanted to say something to her. But I couldn't when we split, I felt like I still needed to say something so I ended up texting her saying that I still like her. Few days later while we were not working together she replies to my text saying she isn't looking for a relationship cause she pretty much lost faith in them. Then we talked online later and she said she doesn't care much about asian guys. Which kinda pissed me off. Around April was this Japanese festival and since I was really frustrated and felt awkward at work, I ended up texting her during the festival that 'I should be with my own people'. 8 months later I find out from my coworker that she was pissed off when she heard that. Strange that her signals of interest came occasionally during the time.

Around October or November of last year. She hella totally stopped talking to me and kept her distance away from me. Not like she really talked to me before.

I know I screw up but I'm sure she screwed up too, although the bigger screw up is on me. Strange that every time I see her she is the only things that's attractive to me. Her pheromone (scent) can't be any more attractive to me. I've gone to clubs, I tried talking to other girls, I even looked at other girls, but I can't seem to find anyone as attractive as this girl. I tried moving on but it just doesn't work.

We had about 4 other female co-workers during the year that was working there too and every dude at work found them to be more attractive than her. Except me. Yes we both be virgins but she says she's not a pure one whatever the hell that means, if someone here can explain that. Oh the great community here, tell me what I should do.

burnout
01-30-2009, 10:58 AM
as with all YAGT, we need pics.

it's been over a year. she obviously gotten over you and you should do the same. girls are complicated creatures. you need to be the alpha male and be assertive. flip flopping will end you in the friend zone.

moogleking
01-30-2009, 11:38 AM
Her text "doesn't care much about asian guys" provoked you and the text you sent back to her just added fuel to the fire and further increase the distance in the relationship you pursued. I suggest you get over her or text her if she still wants to be friends with you and you would like a chat over coffee or something.

Hesperus
01-30-2009, 12:07 PM
Yeah. You screwed up buddy =P The best thing a guy can do, if he has feelings for someone, is let her know in a straight forward manner. Beating around the bush, reading signals, et cetera; is never 100%, and often does not work.

If you told her you that you liked her, then you would normally find out her true feelings within a week or two (her first expression might not always be true -- she will go home and try and think things through).

solarenemy
01-30-2009, 12:20 PM
Just count your losses and move on. You screwed this one and there is little chance of recovery. There is an old saying about girls. No means yes and yes means yes. Unless she just flat out says she does not like you then she most likely does and is to shy just like you to say it.

random100818-0
01-30-2009, 01:10 PM
\Just tell her straight to her face that you like her and
see what happens from there.

Waiting around is the worst thing you can do.

gvbn
01-30-2009, 02:57 PM
\Just tell her straight to her face that you like her and
see what happens from there.
this. and preferably at gunpoint

Deuxsonic
01-30-2009, 03:39 PM
this. and preferably at gunpoint

Better yet, shoot first, ask questions later. Then she's certain to be yours forever...

AyaKunoichi
01-30-2009, 04:15 PM
Better yet, shoot first, ask questions later. Then she's certain to be yours forever...

I think I know why a good chunk of Hongfirians are Single O_O

OoiSaru
01-30-2009, 04:28 PM
Yeah... I think you lost any chance here... =(

DeadlyPocky
01-30-2009, 07:46 PM
Eh, well first off. Don't talk via electronics. It shows that you aren't very.. Ready for anything really. ..But other than that that's pretty much all i can say, its up to you. :D

Hesperus
01-30-2009, 07:50 PM
^I think it is sometimes acceptable to talk via electronics. Depends on the topic.

Haloman
01-30-2009, 08:37 PM
Yeah... I think you lost any chance here... =(

Well, the real question is, was she really interested in him?

If so, both failed in any attempts of getting closer to one and another...

JpnFfantasy
01-30-2009, 09:05 PM
yes I can confirm that she did have interest in me, cause everybody straight up knew it except me. Cause during the year all I kept hearing were "I think" or "Im sure" but that turned out to be "I know cause she told me". They all just happen to tell me this last month. some people think that we are both avoiding each other cause we're both lost in thought. Whatever that means.

moogleking
01-30-2009, 09:57 PM
Neither of both of you were brave enough to confess, maybe she lost patience with you because you failed to notice her feelings for you and because of that she lost interest in you.

xenointhedesert
01-30-2009, 10:07 PM
^ very true, you waited too long and she lost interest.

I've been in a similar situation. your best option is just to cut your losses and move on. yes it will take time and won't be easy, but things really are beyond repair.

but on the bright side, maybe you'll recognize some of those signals girls give out. when your friends say "maybe" and "I think" they're trying to help you, while at the same time trying not betray her trust.

When it comes to girls, you need to be assertive; you need to be a man. take charge.

NeoDevilMan
01-30-2009, 10:34 PM
From my personal experience...(I'm married for 8 years now, 2 lovely kids and a lovely wife...but...) If you're a friend of the girl you like for a long time and she start to loose interest in you, then you need to inject some freshness in yourself again, meaning that you need to do something that you don't usually do, and make her thinks that she didn't know you enough. From your post I think that you need more attention from her now, what you do doesn't matter in this stage, because you're only trying to get her attention...back...

Since you know each other pretty well because you two been "friends" for quite a long time, what went wrong is 99% chance that because you didn't give her enough signs of self-determination, try to accept that it's all your fault and take responsiblity, think that she's always right and solve whatever "problems" that comes up after what you've decided, it's really all in the talking at this stage.

Men puts logic first, women puts feelings first (in term of love), so if you think logically when you're pursuing someone you like, she won't feel right. This is very important when you're pursuing the "girl of your dream". But don't mixed up common sense with logic.

After that, it's man of a few word and more action, keep your distance by not uttering everything you think you wanted to say, more talk means more nonsense to her. Action is what you need, only through action that you can show your care for her, don't miss any chances, that's why you need to be bold.

After that, I think it's all your luck, if anyone can fill in some gaps that would be great:)

Good luck:)

(...... this isn't how I got married though:P)

These are my suggestions, if you think they are stupid, you don't have to think about them:)

Satelight
01-30-2009, 10:37 PM
It has been almost a year since my previous post http://www.hongfire.com/forum/showthread.php?t=79110

Apparently from what I hear from sources that this girl I like, DID have interest in me. I don't know if she still does. Lets get one thing straight from my post before. I don't care about the whole being JAP and only going after my people.

chalk one up for hormones please! ^^b



After the tutoring I really wanted to say something to her. But I couldn't when we split, I felt like I still needed to say something so I ended up texting her saying that I still like her. Few days later while we were not working together she replies to my text saying she isn't looking for a relationship cause she pretty much lost faith in them. Then we talked online later and she said she doesn't care much about asian guys. Which kinda pissed me off.

...join the club... >.>



Around April was this Japanese festival and since I was really frustrated and felt awkward at work, I ended up texting her during the festival that 'I should be with my own people'. 8 months later I find out from my coworker that she was pissed off when she heard that.
awww..

Hormones: 1
Racism: 1

tied game folks!



Around October or November of last year. She hella totally stopped talking to me and kept her distance away from me. Not like she really talked to me before.

I know I screw up but I'm sure she screwed up too, although the bigger screw up is on me. Strange that every time I see her she is the only things that's attractive to me. Her pheromone (scent) can't be any more attractive to me. I've gone to clubs, I tried talking to other girls, I even looked at other girls, but I can't seem to find anyone as attractive as this girl. I tried moving on but it just doesn't work.

We had about 4 other female co-workers during the year that was working there too and every dude at work found them to be more attractive than her. Except me. Yes we both be virgins but she says she's not a pure one whatever the hell that means, if someone here can explain that. Oh the great community here, tell me what I should do.

your GOING to have to find the guts to tell her the truth.
and by truth, in my not-so-experienced but what-I-would-try (had i the guts) way of doing things, set up a meeting time and tell her what you wrote here. You dont care about race, you did and still do have feelings for her, etc. and you were STUPID to have written those things... etc. and you want to know if she will give the "dating you" scenario a chance. Answer = closure.
I highly DO NOT recommend texting her this crap... i'd say set up a good day to meet her (arrange with her: its not a date, just a quick chat) and tell her in person.

if you dont want to do/try that, then your closure = move on.

anyway, games about to end and if you dont want to accept the "tie", then pull your goalie (get some guts) and put 6 attackers on the ice and wait for results (the answer you seek/closure)

JpnFfantasy
01-30-2009, 10:53 PM
@NeoDevilMan geez, I guess take more suggestions from married people eh? The security that I work with pretty much said the same thing you did and he's married and have kids. He and I are real cool with each other and she and him are really cool with each other and right now she and I are kinda distant from each other. From his Point of View from what he sees, he still thinks I have a change but I have to change. I just dont' know how to.
I also recently heard that girls tend to say something that they don't mean when it comes down to these things.

I do know this much, some people says both of us have alot in common. More than what we think. Even the people that gave up on me still thinks so, that it's funny to them.
I do know now that she has a hard time talking to someone she likes and that goes for me too. I'm surprised that she hasn't blocked me from AIM or deleted me off facebook.

NeoDevilMan
01-30-2009, 11:31 PM
@NeoDevilMan geez, I guess take more suggestions from married people eh? The security that I work with pretty much said the same thing you did and he's married and have kids. He and I are real cool with each other and she and him are really cool with each other and right now she and I are kinda distant from each other. I also recently heard that girls tend to say something that they don't mean when it comes down to these things.

I do know this much, some people says both of us have alot in common. More than what we think. Even the people that gave up on me still thinks so, that it's funny to them.

I do know now that she has a hard time talking to someone she likes and that goes for me too. I'm surprised that she hasn't blocked me from AIM or deleted me off facebook.

um... yes, I'm the famous Hongfire security guy>:D j/k j/k...

Well, if both of you have a lot in common, it sounds good, but actually it serve as double edge sword... many girls I met (before I got married) saids they want someone who understand them, but when they found someone who has a lot in common, they would hesitant. Well, friends are different than lovers. The difference is that they want to find out you have a lot in common with her "after" you becomes her boyfriend.

I'm against text messaging to girls to express yourself, one or two is fine, but nothing beats talking to her in person, it just feels different to the girl. The outcomes are different imho, but really, you have to decide on when.

Your mutual friends definitely can help you a bit:kakashi:

Just go for it, what didn't kill you makes you stronger(wait... does that sounds right?? :P)

DeadlyPocky
01-30-2009, 11:33 PM
^I think it is sometimes acceptable to talk via electronics. Depends on the topic.

Ahh yeah sorry. I forgot to specify.

Don't do stuff via electronics when it comes to relationships. That's a biiggg no-no. Never ends up well. I've seen it happen many, many times.

OoiSaru
01-31-2009, 12:24 AM
Ahh yeah sorry. I forgot to specify.

Don't do stuff via electronics when it comes to relationships. That's a biiggg no-no. Never ends up well. I've seen it happen many, many times.

It can be acceptable, not in this case, but if a couple is unable to see each other, it can be useful for staying in touch.

Hesperus
01-31-2009, 12:27 AM
@NeoDevilMan geez, I guess take more suggestions from married people eh? The security that I work with pretty much said the same thing you did and he's married and have kids. He and I are real cool with each other and she and him are really cool with each other and right now she and I are kinda distant from each other. From his Point of View from what he sees, he still thinks I have a change but I have to change. I just dont' know how to.
I also recently heard that girls tend to say something that they don't mean when it comes down to these things.

I do know this much, some people says both of us have alot in common. More than what we think. Even the people that gave up on me still thinks so, that it's funny to them.
I do know now that she has a hard time talking to someone she likes and that goes for me too. I'm surprised that she hasn't blocked me from AIM or deleted me off facebook.

Truthfully, enough damage has been done that I would say it's time to move on...many fish in the sea, find someone else. No matter how bad the situation is, it is true that you will always have a chance; but changing yourself for the sake of getting someone else to like you, is just plain silly.

I honestly believe that if you want someone to like you, that they like you for who you are -- not who you pretend to be.

NeoDevilMan
01-31-2009, 12:47 AM
^I can see your point Hesperus, probably should tell him stop being more than a fool and waste more time, but his situation isn't that bad base on his post, plus his friends are supportive(they kept telling him she likes him), and the girl still don't have boyfriend. You can say there are many fishes in the sea, but that's not a good enough excuse, it's not easy to find someone you want to love.

If the post looks like telling to change yourself to get someone to like you, I apologize for that, it's not meant to be that way, it's for getting attention. Maybe I should say express yourself with a different method. Girls use makeup to make boys sees them differently all the time, sometimes they wear heavy makeup, sometimes they don't but it's still them. So maybe he can try something different to attract her again, you can't deny that shes starting to lose interest in him, so it help to be a little different.

It's not just I love you and please marry me, it's how you present youself that make her accept you. You are still you but there are more than one way to show the real you.

random100818-0
01-31-2009, 04:28 AM
I'm sure i just read in this topic that some friends said she likes you.

Well what the fuck are you waiting for then,
confront here and get it over with.

Otherwise i'll come over there and take her from ya,
cause that's what's gonna happen if you wait to long
and it will be your own fault for being so stupid.

Sorry for sounding so harsh, just saying the truth.

Hesperus
01-31-2009, 05:34 AM
^The problem is, according to OP:


Apparently from what I hear from sources that this girl I like, DID have interest in me. I don't know if she still does.

My reading from what he stated is that it is kinda too late =P

Also


Around April was this Japanese festival and since I was really frustrated and felt awkward at work, I ended up texting her during the festival that 'I should be with my own people'. 8 months later I find out from my coworker that she was pissed off when she heard that.

Around October or November of last year. She hella totally stopped talking to me and kept her distance away from me.

It is already almost February. The fiasco has gone on for way too long.

Eufonius
01-31-2009, 09:19 AM
ok so let me break it down for u so it wont be so complicated next time...

once u think you like a girl and have any remote chance of going out with her DO IT

I missed out on some great pussy back in HS being a nervous wreck and being afraid of rejectetion that I totally felt like punching myself in the face...

simple? ^_^

Areskel
01-31-2009, 03:27 PM
She's not a pure one because she's given head. Or her last boytoy knew the key to a girl's heart:

STICK IT IN HER POOPER!

rbp
01-31-2009, 03:45 PM
...she pussied out and didn't jump your bones when she had the chance, you dodged a bullet on this one mate, she probably has "feelings" and shit, you don't want none of that.

Fuchsin
02-01-2009, 02:28 AM
...she pussied out and didn't jump your bones when she had the chance, you dodged a bullet on this one mate, she probably has "feelings" and shit, you don't want none of that.

XDD That made me laugh

JpnFfantasy
02-01-2009, 02:53 AM
I was expecting more girls to reply to this but I guess that plan sure didn't work.
Well I can say this, I had a few girls back in HS that actually liked me but I didn't necessary like them. Yes they were attractive, smart, etc etc. But something about them didn't made me feel attractive to them. I'm a very VERY picky person, I know people would say well lose some of that pickiness and I completely understand, but I have my reasons. Especially when I found a girl this balanced to my standards, it's also very hard not to be picky.

OoiSaru
02-01-2009, 05:51 AM
...she pussied out and didn't jump your bones when she had the chance, you dodged a bullet on this one mate, she probably has "feelings" and shit, you don't want none of that.

No wonder I always ended up with short relationships in high school!
I had these "Feelings" you speak of... When really I should have a been a emotionless (sex) robot

xcaliber9999
02-01-2009, 06:49 AM
If u have the courage and really care then say to her how u truely feel about her ..u have nothing to lose ...its way better then feeling sorry for yourself ...its never too late to start a relationship and you have said that she was interested in you so why not give it a try ...express your true feelings to her and leave the rest of the things on your fate and see what happens ...

moogleking
02-01-2009, 07:07 AM
JpnFfantasy you remind me of my older brother, he is handsome and very picky when it comes to girls aswell.

Hesperus
02-01-2009, 12:15 PM
I was expecting more girls to reply to this but I guess that plan sure didn't work.
Well I can say this, I had a few girls back in HS that actually liked me but I didn't necessary like them. Yes they were attractive, smart, etc etc. But something about them didn't made me feel attractive to them. I'm a very VERY picky person, I know people would say well lose some of that pickiness and I completely understand, but I have my reasons. Especially when I found a girl this balanced to my standards, it's also very hard not to be picky.

We understand that you like this girl; and hence, do not want anyone else. However, there is nothing else you can do besides 1) confess, or 2) move on.

If you like her so much, the only thing you can do is tell her, straight forwardly, that you do. Understand that because of whatever has happened between the two of you, it might already be too late -- especially if she still harbours any ill feelings.

If you are shy, go get her a big bouquet of flowers that screams 'I love you', or some stuffed animal, or some other thing that she likes. Give her a small box of candy with it. This is because scientific studies have shown that when someone receives candy, he or she is likely to think good thoughts of the giver while eating the candy. Valentines is coming up -- perfect timing. Seriously, stop thinking, and start doing.

If she is not talking to you and stuff, then pick up some courage, bite your pride, and ask her if she is pissed at you. If she says yes, find out why, and apologise (even if it is not your fault). If she says no, then find out why she isn't talking to you, or is giving you the cold shoulder. Find an opening to let her know that you have been an asshole (even if you have not) because you really like her.

It is silly to keep going 'this person, or that person, told me this'. You cannot always rely on other people to tell you if a person likes you or does not like you; sometimes they are wrong -- and sometimes they just make things worse. Often, people who tell you these things are just 'reading her signals', which is just as bad as you trying to 'read her signals', except that they are not the ones who like her. Unless they tell you that she explicitly told them that she likes you, do not believe them, and do not get your hopes up.

I do not mean to sound harsh: but stop lying to yourself. If she likes you, then she likes you; if she does not, then she does not. There is nothing you can do to change that. You will be a happier person once you come to a resolution.

NeoDevilMan
02-01-2009, 10:04 PM
jinjin! where are you when we need you most!

Hesperus
02-01-2009, 10:15 PM
^Yes. He did.



After the tutoring I really wanted to say something to her. But I couldn't when we split, I felt like I still needed to say something so I ended up texting her saying that I still like her.

What I meant is actually telling her personally; not texting, not IMing. Personally, I wouldn't really consider texting or IMing confessing, I consider it trying to avoid actually confessing. A particular company got sued because they decided to fire their employees by email -- confessing is just as, if not more serious, than firing someone; and thus, it should be done personally. The very least he should do is write a proper love letter.

JpnFfantasy
02-02-2009, 02:11 AM
it's funny how it's hella hard for me to do any of that especially working at a big video game store with more than half the people knows what was going on between us two. She could be the same, I do not know. Which is why I stay away from her at work and she might be thinking the same at work cause too many people know. She seem to be ok sticking her tongue out at me with an kinda of a opened mouth and you know when you squeeze the upper lip area and nose?

My security friend said that I gotta be more commanding by taking control of situations. . . . cause girls like that?

Hesperus
02-02-2009, 03:16 AM
^Most girls like guys who has at least some backbone. Big deal if everyone knows what is going on. Seriously, just ask her if she would like to grab a cup of coffee or something; that way, the two of you will be alone.

Normally, when you start thinking 'she may be this, or she may be that', you are either making excuses for yourself to keep from approaching her, or denying that she does not have feelings for you.

burnout
02-02-2009, 07:59 AM
where's the bloody pictures?

JpnFfantasy
02-02-2009, 11:41 PM
where's the bloody pictures?

What is up with you and pictures? What pictures do you want? I have my pictures in the Member photos.

Satelight
02-03-2009, 12:32 AM
he wants a picture of this hot chinese chick co-worker your talking about...
he is only enforcing a special but core HF rule...

PICS or PERMABANN!
aka. Pics or it didnt happen

dun worry, its burnout...

BruceKO
02-03-2009, 12:57 AM
I think he just got turned on by your incredible touching story.
Anyone who read your story (from the beginning) would fall for her. (an indication that you defintely loved this girl)
I don't have any particular suggestions for you (because when it comes to love, all it depends on is yourself), but I'd like to give you my best of luck

Good Luck Buddy!:kakashi:

uremog
02-03-2009, 07:30 AM
lol @ hearing about her getting angry 8 months later
look at it like this, she got mad, so she cared that you said that. too late now, though i think you already know. just remember you're a man and have to be one when you're going after a girl. sometimes when they say they don't want you (esp if it's not congruent with how they act) it just means "make me want you more"

burnout
02-03-2009, 08:37 AM
What is up with you and pictures? What pictures do you want? I have my pictures in the Member photos.

simple, pictures explain things words cant.

JpnFfantasy
02-04-2009, 02:53 AM
well there are things that made her smile along the year and I just wanted to see that again. I don't want to get too detailed about it. But surely it was priceless. Now she seems more depressed but stays away from me.