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Fortune Arterial Fan Translation

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  • Fortune Arterial Fan Translation

    Hello, first post here, though I've lurked for a while.

    I'm starting a fan translation project for Fortune Arterial. I poked around the internet a bit to see if anyone else had started and I could contribute, but I couldn't find anything. I'm not all that well versed in this sort of thing, so please correct me if I'm wrong and I'm duplicating work.

    My real strength is in English writing, since I'm a native speaker, but I'm good enough to get by in basic Japanese. So far I haven't run into any real stumpers, but if I need help, I'll point it out.

    I've set up a Scratchpad Wiki in case anyone else wants to contribute. You can either sign your name and mark out a chunk of the game that you want to translate, or else just go through what I have done and check my work. If you don't know Japanese but still want to help, feel free to make comments at the bottom about passages that you think could be improved to help readability.

    Thanks, and I hope to get this wonderful game out to the english speaking masses as quickly as possible. This is what Ero-Games should be... wonderful, loving and with gorgeous art. If you're into harder fair, you wont find it here, I'm afraid. Still, the old traditional stuff done perfectly is a joy to experience.

    ~ Tremalkinger.

    PS - Has anyone heard news on what they're planning to do with actually finishing the last two routes?

  • #2
    Saw your translation... many flaws.
    Japanese speakers and learners appreciated! Hongfire Community @ Mixi thread
    Currently we have 7 Hongfirians at Mixi.

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    • #3
      I'd assume that is why he would be asking for help, then....

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      • #4
        Remember that my primary goal is to get the gist to the english reader while making it sound good in english, not necessarily get every last little detail of the original japanese correct.

        That being said, I'd love for you to point out where my flaws are in the wiki. Either correct them yourself or just make a small paragraph at the bottom of the section page. I know Scene 10 especially is quite bad (I point that out in the table of contents) because there's just chunks of it I don't understand.

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        • #5
          I found the flaws in Scene 1... read them over, you'll spot them easily.
          Japanese speakers and learners appreciated! Hongfire Community @ Mixi thread
          Currently we have 7 Hongfirians at Mixi.

          Comment


          • #6
            Scene one (and scene ten as well) we're quite difficult because I had no context to go off of. As I'm sure everyone knows, Japanese is a very context based language, and I also am not very well versed in the intricacies (casual slang, phrases, metaphors, etc).

            It's also not particularly helpful to say it has 'many flaws' and leave it at that. You realize you can edit and contribute as well, right? I looked over the first chapter and I don't see anything glaringly wrong.

            Here's the way I look at it. Would an native english speaker read that text and feel like it's fluid and well written? And does it convey all the original meanings? Often times tradeoffs must be made between those two, and I'll lean towards good flow of language if it means losing a few unimportant details here and there. Too many translations feel very choppy and awkward in order to try to cram the original japanese phrases in there, translated to english, rather than the gist.

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            • #7
              I wish you good luck, I'll hope somebody helps you with the translation/editing part.
              Great idea putting up the wiki.
              I'll read thru the english part and try to spot any flaws!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Tremalkinger View Post
                Scene one (and scene ten as well) we're quite difficult because I had no context to go off of. As I'm sure everyone knows, Japanese is a very context based language, and I also am not very well versed in the intricacies (casual slang, phrases, metaphors, etc).

                It's also not particularly helpful to say it has 'many flaws' and leave it at that. You realize you can edit and contribute as well, right? I looked over the first chapter and I don't see anything glaringly wrong.

                Here's the way I look at it. Would an native english speaker read that text and feel like it's fluid and well written? And does it convey all the original meanings? Often times tradeoffs must be made between those two, and I'll lean towards good flow of language if it means losing a few unimportant details here and there. Too many translations feel very choppy and awkward in order to try to cram the original japanese phrases in there, translated to english, rather than the gist.
                I hate to say this but most flaws are more than little detail errors. Many of flaws convey completely different meanings. Take this line from Scene 1, for instance:
                彼女を包む空気は恐怖に逃げまどい、輝く髪を舞い上がらせる。
                You translated that as:
                She is enveloped in a dreadfully terrifying aura, her hair sparkling and shimmering about her head on unseen winds.
                But an actual translation is this:
                "The atmosphere which surrounds her tries to escape in terror, making her sparkling hair soar"

                I've read through 1-3 so far, and I've seen many more of such flaws. I applaud you for trying to translate lines beautifully, but if I needed a translation, I'd look for one that conveys true meaning rather than have unnecessary adjective decorations here and there.

                I'd love to help, but with 7 assignments due every week and midterm coming up, I wouldn't be the one to spend time thinking how I could Shakespearize those lines.
                My Sigs (10/12/08)|HF-TypeMoon #006|Proud Haruhist #14|00ber Kona-chan fanboy|Unbelievable 6000th!

                Now playing: Nothing~

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                • #9
                  You say your strength is in writing because you are a native speaker.
                  But to be honest, being a native speaker does not equal being a good writer.
                  I've seen hundreds of native speakers mistake loose and lose, for example.

                  There are also problems in tense...
                  Japanese speakers and learners appreciated! Hongfire Community @ Mixi thread
                  Currently we have 7 Hongfirians at Mixi.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by orisa View Post
                    But an actual translation is this:
                    "The atmosphere which surrounds her tries to escape in terror, making her sparkling hair soar"
                    Okay. Yeah, see... this is what I'm talking about. H-games have lines like that all the time, and the truth is, that doesn't mean /anything/ in english, and you'd never read it in a non translated source. It's just sloppy to put the literal translation down and leave it at that, and it makes it nigh unreadable, IMHO. You're really telling me you like the literal version better than mine?

                    Originally posted by Manjiro View Post
                    You say your strength is in writing because you are a native speaker.
                    But to be honest, being a native speaker does not equal being a good writer.
                    I've seen hundreds of native speakers mistake loose and lose, for example.

                    There are also problems in tense...
                    As someone who's read fanfiction, I couldn't agree more. There are a great deal of native english speakers who should never ever touch a keyboard. (The 'lose' 'loose' thing bothers me too). But in any event, I /am/ fairly confident in my writing abilities. My primary goal for right now is to get the first draft down into the wiki... others who want to help out but can't read japanese can go through and pick out my mistakes. That's the whole idea of the wiki. I have no doubt in my mind I screwed up tenses here and there, because I catch myself now and again doing it while writing the lines. But again, that's why its a /wiki/, so you can fix it when you see it.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Tremalkinger View Post
                      You're really telling me you like the literal version better than mine?
                      Yes. I look for creative structures in storylines, not fancy words. It's the same reason I hate Shakespeare. If I don't understand the story, there's no point in poetic revelations. Hell, your words are fancier than what the original lines are meant to be.

                      Of course, this matter is completely subjective, and I'm not the one who needs translations anyway. Just pointing out that some people may not like the overly flashy lines.
                      My Sigs (10/12/08)|HF-TypeMoon #006|Proud Haruhist #14|00ber Kona-chan fanboy|Unbelievable 6000th!

                      Now playing: Nothing~

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                      • #12
                        Your translations are in regular font. Mine are in italics.


                        ゆっくりと──

                        Slowly...
                        Slowly...

                        彼女の双眸が開かれる。

                        Her eyes open.
                        ...her eyes open.

                        すでに、スイッチは入っていた。

                        Too late, I understand the truth.
                        The change had already occured.

                        湖のように澄んだサファイアの瞳は、いまや紅蓮のルビーへと変貌していた。

                        The pupils of her eyes, once colored like the sapphire of a tranquil lake, are now transformed to a sanguine ruby.
                        The colour of her eyes, once the clear sapphire of a lake, had now turned into a bright ruby.

                        彼女を包む空気は恐怖に逃げまどい、輝く髪を舞い上がらせる。

                        She is enveloped in a dreadfully terrifying aura, her hair sparkling and shimmering about her head on unseen winds.
                        The air that surrounds her stir in fear, making her sparkling hair soar.

                        内に凝縮された力を体中から噴き上げ、彼女はあらゆる存在を睥睨していた。

                        Power begins condensing inside her body, and her gaze destroys my willpower.
                        Releasing the power onced condensed within her body, she now glared at all that existed.

                        これが──

                        This is...
                        This is...

                        吸血鬼.

                        ... the power of a vampire.
                        the Vampire.


                        This is the best I could do, but I'm not a native speaker or anything.

                        To be honest, your problem isn't just about tense....
                        Japanese speakers and learners appreciated! Hongfire Community @ Mixi thread
                        Currently we have 7 Hongfirians at Mixi.

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                        • #13
                          tbh its a bit sad that ppl are having a go at somebody placing an effort in translating something. I'd help but i don't know any Japanese at all so I'm afraid that the thought wil have to suffice.
                          As for the translations, i'd say its preference a lot, some parts i'd go for the italic translations, n some the original writers one, then again i do tend to prefer sentences with "fancy" words.
                          (eg. saphire of a tranquil lake to sanguine ruby, you cant possibly hate wording like that also sanguine fits a ruby better then bright imo )

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                          • #14
                            Just to get the word out, the project is still alive and can be found here. Help is always appreciated

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                            • #15
                              I hope you guys still work on this proyect because I would love to see one of my favourite games translate

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