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  • Realized dreams/Broken dreams

    I'm 25 (looking like a 19 year old tho) and... well, I never knew 10 years of my life could go away flying. At my 15 years I said to myself "I'll publish a novel when I'm on highschool and become famous"... and there was just childish rants written on a Word document and useless edgy love poems for a girl that I never got to love me.

    I stopped going to most of my college classes 4 years ago and dedicated myself to self reflections, trying to write something worthy, to draw aesthetic manga. Then I investigated my old highschool crushes and friensdhips. They were doing fine, getting graduated, working, girls I loved dating guys better than me, full grown up mature men.

    "What the hell?" I said to myself. "Why I can't do anything right?, I get easily bored in my college classes, still have to pass around 30 subjects..."

    "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?"

    I didn't want to be the useless 34 year old manlet who lives with his mother and still isn't the owner of his life.

    Alone, forgotten, a stain of dust in other people's memories. A pathethic loser. A piece of trash. A castrated young adult, incapable of taking care of himself. Of getting even a pathethic job. I tried that 7 times, I worked on a sports store for 14 hours and they told me I wasn't apt for that.

    "You look so gloomy, This job isn't for you".

    On a country that is literally fucked. Yeah, Mexico. Build the wall. I understand that Trump fella, I get USA has no time to deal with mexican thugs. Mexico, a bloody paradise of corpses and clandestine pits. Our economy is slowly crashing. Art and literature are looked down upon.

    We don't need writers, nor artists or poets. They need corrupt lawyers, hungry politicians, insane hitmen, cold economists. I'm not needed. I'm disposable.

    I barely take any classes (my essays get rejected). I can't get a job. At least my art is improving more than my writing skills.

    Even if I finish my sci fi novel, who in the world would have the interest to read it? To publish it? I dreamed of wealthiness, of sleeping in a warm bed with the girl I loved that is gone now... taken away by a good, better man.

    And my mother is old, a bit sick. My father... I made an oath since when I was a kid, that I'll never be like him. Violent, neurotic, mysoginistic, abusive of women. Yet I didn't became like him, but I was neither gentle or strong. I became glass. Fragile. Useless.

    At least I won't bring more pain to this world. Won't and don't want to have a girlfriend or become married and have kids.

    Like porcelain. My asthma is venomous dust in my lungs.

    What am I goind to do?

    I can't let loose more years. Yet time vanishes in my hands.

    Why do I even bother to exist? Majestic stories live inside my head, and I don't have the skills to write them on paper.

    Tell me, what Am I good for?

    Do you have any dreams? Were they fullfilled? Or Broken? Is there any special person that is waiting for you?

    My father once told me that I could never love or be loved. Almost every female I met in my life hated me. And I'm losing the capacity to feel. Now I just see women as empty beings. I cant feel anything for them. Nor hate or love.

    Tell me about you. I want to know.
    Last edited by Veltiel; 02-24-2017, 10:46 PM.
    Truth tends to be sweet when accompanied by someone, bitter when you´re alone.

  • #2
    I related to this a lot while reading, reminds me of me. Bad news: I'm seven years older than you, so don't expect things to improve because you "grew out of that phase" or something.
    In fact I had a mental breakdown just this November (just guess what could've happend in that timeframe) and that despite living in one of the richest countries of the world.
    I can't bring myself to finish my darn studies and work a minimum wage part time job where you it hardly seems to make a difference if you try to be a good worker or not.
    I'm afraid of simply talking to other people or even phoning my best friend since I often think I'll just bother him and he has better things to do.
    I haven't spoken to my father in three years and don't really relate to the rest of my family much either.

    Still a couple of thoughts:
    1. It is pretty obvious from reading this that you have some mental issues. That is not a criticism, that is an observation. And since I have the same, the very first thing I'd suggest you to do is trying to get cognitive therapy. Granted, I don't know how available/expensive that is in Mexico but first thing you have to realize is that you can't handle your issues on your own and forcing yourself to attempt to is just gonna make it worse. The usual "A man has to handle his own buisiness" line of thinking that often gets imprinted on people from a young age by culture and family is suprisingly hard to overcome in cases like those. Especially since you made it clear you strive for independence. But no healthy human being can live a fulfiled live completely on his own. An intact and supportive family and friends can achive the same but since that does not seem to be the case for you, therapy would be the best way to improve your mental state.

    2. You mentioned a general dissatisfaction with your country. I'd never advise you to just accept things or become a detached cynic (you seem to already gravitate towards that) but this may relate less to your problems then you might make it out to do. Some of the countries with the highest average happiness rate are also among the poorest. Happiness is not only brought force by stuff you own and achive by also by how much you treasure what you have in your life. Learning to do so, to take pleasure in the little steps and improvements you can make each day, that is the hard part.

    3. You seem to have a bit of a fear of "running out of time" concerning your dreams. I sincerely believe that is hardly ever the case. It's never to late to shift your life around. Heck, my grandmother divorced her (verbaly) abbusive husband after 50 friggin years and seems downright rejuvenated after that. Don't place too high expectations on yourself. Sure, there have been a few geniuses that may have delievered amazing works of art at your age (and even younger) but those are far and few in between. Stay determined and honor your craft. I myself randomely decided to learn to draw at over 30 and low and behold: Everything I draw looks horrible. But I didn't expect it to be good. I expect myself to learn from the mistakes I make and improve step by step. And after 6 month I finally dared to make a DA account and put some of it online. I started learning a new language over 30 as well. Since you have access to the internet, there are amazing possibilities available to you that previous generations never had. Try to figure out what you like doing and give it a try. Share your stories with other people who not only want to bash them, but over constructive criticism for 'em. Don't expect to get rich of your craft but instead take pleasure in performing it.

    Speaking of dreams I myself have, none of major achivement, but I'd like to be fluent in 5 languages one day and there's a couple of countries I'd like to visit. And I don't see why I couldn't do that at age 50 either. Or 70. But by then, I might have a couple of new dreams. (ツ)

    Comment


    • Veltiel
      Veltiel commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey, thanks for the reply. I guess is never too late to change... but when I think of other people doing the same, I want to tell them "The damage is already done".

      I was cheerful when I was a kid, then my single mother left me in a school where I have few good memories... and many bad memories. Violent children, menacing me for my mere existence, hating the good emotions long ago I had, beating me, corrupting me. What I feel today, I can't say it's all my fault, I mean...

      I was a kid, with no father figure (or a very bad father model). That beast was hanging out in that town with a woman that left him ruined. My classmates told me about that, and I just kept on living. Hoping to survive another day in that place.

      "You're bad", "You're sad and gloomy, and that's why you don't have any friends" "You're a bad person" How could they blame me for what they actually were?

      In Junior highschool it was the same thing, but I tried to change. Believing having good grades would grant me friends, hapiness, thinking they could even accepting as a human. Yet... perfection wasn't enough, my mother was happy, my father kept hating me (his mistake)

      And only videogames were there for me. And books, lots of horror books.

      At least I can say highschool was my best stage. I did get some few friends who now have stopped contacting me. I felt in love 2 or 3 times. And I ended up scaring them because of my stupid poems. There was a girl I respected, loved and admired, she gently rejected me but never stopped talking to me.

      Her sking was light brown, her touch, warm, her lips, pink and gentle. A wave of shadows came from her hair. Beautiful, silky shadodws. Now she has a good man, better than me, responsible, gentle, caring.

      All which I would never become. His guitar accompany her chants. Two great musicians.

      And a writer and artist who is still struggling to improve.

      Sometimes I think I have a grudge, or as if a ghost was on my back. People feel scared whenever I walk near them. My face isn't deformed. It's just my existence repelling people.

      No, still today there's no one who has ever loved this monster. And all my friendships... suddenly they're all gone. Graduating, marrying.

      I am left here. At least I want to have my stories and art, and don't end empty handed....

    • JAHT
      JAHT commented
      Editing a comment
      I can't help but notice that you didn't aknowledge my first and most important point, which is the only way I can see any improvement for you.

      P.S.: When you type such a long reply, it's better suited for a full post, not a comment.

  • #3
    I am much older than both of you, so maybe I can help by sharing my own experience.

    Veltiel, your suffering reminds me of my own. Like you, I was a cheerful kid, and I had asthma too. Then my parents moved from the country to the city when I was 12 years old, and suddenly I was unpopular in school because I dressed like a peasant and spoke with an accent. Being nerdy, skinny and tall made me an easy and obvious target, so for years I was bullied every day and routinely beaten up just for existing.

    My father was not there for me because he was often away on business trips. My mother was over-protective, but her bungling efforts to protect me from the other kids at school only made the abuse worse, and teachers seemed to look the other way. When I finally graduated high-school, I got a job and tried to go to college, but became too bored and careless and flunked all my courses. Then I got fired from that job, and since then I have been fired from every job I have ever had in my entire life.

    I spent many years being depressed and passing the time by playing computer games. I lived alone and worked different jobs to survive, and for years no other human being ever even touched me. I didn't speak to my family for almost 10 years. I felt useless, worthless and anxious about wasting my creativity and my life. Eventually I just felt numb, and couldn't imagine feeling love, nor imagine why any girl would want to be with me. I have never lived in Mexico, but I imagine it isn't helping you.

    Given what I have endured, I hope you will listen when I encourage you to have hope, even though I know it doesn't seem like there is hope right now (that is a natural part of being depressed).

    To give some examples, today I work for myself, so I will never get fired again. I find that when working for myself, it is easier be on time and do a good job, because I have more reason to care. Besides, I get to keep all the money, because now I'm the boss! Instead of working somewhere boring like a sports store, today I set up stage lights and sound systems at rock concerts which is lots of fun, and I get paid to travel to beautiful island resorts and other tourist destinations to go to concerts!

    Around three years ago, I fell in love with a girl I met on-line. She lived in another country, and we used Skype for almost a year before she finally came to visit. First she only stayed for an afternoon, but the next time she stayed for three days, and then for three weeks and more. She is beautiful and very perverted, my dreams had come true. After a year we broke up and I was heartbroken, but still it was a year of fantastic sex, and at least now I know for sure that I am capable of feeling love again, and how happy I can be with the right girl.

    Two years ago I finally reconnected with my family, and these last two Holiday Seasons (in December) I traveled to visit my parents and other relatives after almost 10 years of not speaking, and there was lots of laughter as everyone seemed to have a great time. I still don't agree with some of the things they have done in the past, but it was such a relief to let go of all that old hurt and anger that used to consume me as I fell asleep at night, and understand that my parents are just people with problems who make mistakes like I do.

    Obviously it took me a very long time, and of course I still struggle with problems. I am definitely not happy all the time, but at least I am happy sometimes. I'm glad to be alive again, and curious about what will happen next in my life. When I was depressed, I would never have believed all this was possible, but here I am starting to enjoy my life, express my creativity, be productive and have fun!

    You want to know how I got out of depression? I can't promise this will work for everyone, but I'll tell you what worked for me. First of all I had to get back to the basics of physical health. Depression leads to bad health habits which make recovery difficult, because one cannot have a healthy mind inside of an unhealthy body. Nothing is more important! I was lucky to get a job doing physical labor in the sun, and that is how I first found out that I could be so much happier than when sitting in another office cubicle all day long.

    Since then I have realized that I have to get exercise and sunshine regularly, or I will quickly become depressed again. These days I stretch and do push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups in my bedroom before going outside for a two mile run. It doesn't cost me any money except for running shoes, it helps me think clearly and feel great, and it causes women to look at me differently than when I was a skinny wimp.

    I also had to stop smoking cigarettes and eating all the garbage in my diet. Of course junk-food and fast-food are bad, but so is most bread and almost anything that isn't really natural. I am on a small budget, so I just eat a lot of raw foods like fruits, nuts and vegetables, and then add protein from eggs, cheese, tuna fish, beef jerky or whatever I can get. Now when I eat a fast-food burger, I feel lazy and down for hours.

    Lastly, I agree with JAHT about the power of professional help when you cannot depend on friends and family. I have been seeing a licensed therapist every week for over three years now, and I believe this is just as important as healthy eating, exercise and sunshine. I chose a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist, because I do not want to be prescribed some awful medication that makes my penis limp. What I really need most is more self-confidence to talk to women, and last I checked that doesn't come in a pill yet.

    I used to have big dreams just like you did, and like most of my friends did before they got stuck at crappy jobs for 30 years or whatever. I might still publish a novel or achieve something similar in life, but these days my biggest dreams are to be comfortable, to be happy and to find a woman to love again. I am pretty optimistic right now about reaching those dreams! I hope this perspective from further down the road of life will help others. Best of luck.

    Drenched




    "New studies suggest that cute images stimulate the same pleasure centers of the brain aroused
    by sex, a good meal or psychoactive drugs like cocaine" - New York Times, January 3, 2006

    ________ The Reeds Family ____________ The Parker Family ____________ The Ingalls Family ________


    My Humble AG3 Clothing Contributions | The AG3 RealBush Collection for RealDolls

    Comment


    • #4
      Thanks Drenched, an inspiring read. I recently had a slight burst of optimism when I sat down again to look over my still unfinished diploma and was majorly surprised that it what I had put together so far was nowhere near as bad as I made myself believe it was. Really, in depression hardly anyone can downtalk me as good as effective as myself.

      On a somewhat ammusing note, I chuckled a bit when reading your parts of dieting and bodily health. That's because one of the few things I'm absolutely sure I did right in my life is that I never even tried cigarettes or any drug harder than alcohol. Than I decided to completely abstain from alcohol too in my early 20s and a bit later became a vegetarian. The funny part (okay funny in a really dark way) about this is all that happened before I sunk into depression and may have even accalerated it because I'm the only person around who actually lives like that. So I kinda made myself an outcast even more. Thankfully, all my friends and family are really respectful to these life choices though I sometime hear my best friend grumble a bit about how he can't go drinking with me no more.

      The physical fitness is another story though. I've been a wimp for all my life. I tried to get myself to work out a bit but I just don't have the character strength to keep up with that. I'd like to do it, but I think I'd need another person to pull me through with it. My family ain't living to healthy and my friends are even worse, one really put on some pounds after getting married (though he's dieting right now) and the other is the other extreme and so skinny it makes me worry. Both enjoy their junk food. Sometimes I worry a bit about my own health when they invite me to dinner. But they're good friends after all.

      Now if I only could get an appointment for therapy already. (>_<)
      I keep bungling it out of forgetfulness, unability to get reach my physician via phone and fear.
      Okay, I'll try again on monday. Can someone here check back on my if I really did that later? (ツ)

      Comment


      • #5
        Well Veltiel, you sound like you got low confidence and low self-esteem. You are too hard on yourself. I guess you had a rough life growing up which is probably the cause of the problem. You really have to remove these labels from your mind;

        Alone, forgotten, a stain of dust in other people's memories. A pathethic loser. A piece of trash. A castrated young adult, incapable of taking care of himself.
        You concentrate more on the negative and you magnify it, while not really caring for your positives. And then you label yourself with bunch of bullshit. You listen to that voice in your mind called "The Critic" Who tells you a bunch of shit that you don't want to hear but you listen to it because you feel like it keeps you safe from embarrassment or rejection. You have to recognize that you have a problem the way you think.

        Your in Mexico but at least you're not in North Korea. You have every opportunity to put your foot down and help yourself. You do what you want, just like those drug dealers and hitmen do what they want for money.

        You really have a serious issue. I would recommend seek professional help or read and/or watch videos on helping your self esteem and confidence grow.

        Here is something I would recommend;

        Book
        https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-C...ds=self+esteem

        You can look at Udemy website for videos. They have sales on almost every week so you can something cheaper priced.

        Comment


        • #6
          Aren’t we all here more or less like this?

          When warawara’s parents sent warawara to the kindergarden, warawara told warawara’s mother that warawara do not want to go the kindergarden after a month or so. Warawara didn’t commute after that. For some reason, fictional characters are more "lively" than normal, real humans around warawara. Comics and animation, music and video games always interest warawara, even though warawara cannot actually tell what is so interesting about them.

          Warawara always felt like there is something in this world that warawara do not percieve. At one time, warawara‘s uncle died of cancer, and at the funeral, warawara saw family members crying, sad. Yet warawara felt like the whole affair has completely nothing to do with warawara. Warawara thought, that people here believe the dead uncle’s soul is now in some Heaven, so why are they crying? Aren’t warawara‘s uncle now is that ‘better world‘ warawara do not believe nor understand? Warawara was frightened at the time. Warawara was frightened that warawara felt nothing. It is those feelings that make people around warawara act and actually do things, to live. Warawara just stand there, doing nothing, wondering why warawara exist even and slowly dies off, not really understanding why things around warawara decay nor the passage of time.

          Warawara noticed that warawara would like to change warawara’s sex. Warawara started visiting a sexuologist after getting some info from the Web. Warawara‘s opinion that warawara is transsexual is not the issue here. It is the fact that, after visiting the place for three years, warawara has been asked: ‘Why did you came here?’ In three years warawara could not convey that. Actually, for some reason, when warawara am near those other people, it is like the problem magically vanished somewhere, only to resurface again after some time when fears wear off.

          You say your father is not a good man. Warawara‘s also isn’t. He has mental problems and visits hospitals, but from warawara’s experience it looks like all those clinics and hospitals were made to cure healthy people. Those that need help the most are ignored, it seems, or no one knows how to help. Only those that can shout out their problems load for all to hear and see get any help, warawara think. Warawara is introverted. Such behaviour is against warawara‘s nature. Warawara is unable to shout. Warawara is unable to voice warawara‘s opinion in a discussion. Warawara‘s voice is very quiet. Unless warawara am face-to-face with another person, no one pays any attention to warawara. The whole time warawara was in school, the biggest obstacle warawara had was communication: how and what to do, so that another person looks at warawara and listen to warwara for at least few seconds, so that warawara could simply ask them a question and get an answer. This is biggest reason warawara use the Internet – on the Internet warawara am able to communicate something, even if warawara do not get any replies. It looks like all of the people around warawara are some kind of another animal species, behaving in a different way, having different problems, expectations and needs.

          Warawara tried to live on warawara‘s own one day and moved to another apartment warawara’s family had. It just stood there empty, because the family moved to the one inherited by the uncle’s death, which is 20-minutes walk away. Warawara spend time alone, just like warwara wanted, for quite some time now, and what warawara noticed is that warawara has no goals in life. Even maintaining warawara’s own body by eating food, ensuring there is something to eat and drink in the fridge is an activity that warwara needs to force warawara to do, because if warawara don’t, warawara will just starve to death, all while thinking about some fictional worlds or how to develop warawara‘s software and maintain a server nobody but warawara use. Warawara actually feel the hunger but the hunger alone is not enough for warawara to go to the kitchen and actually eat something. Warawara need reason for going to the kitchen and do the eating. As if satisfying warawara‘s own hunger is not reason enough and is none of warawara‘s problems. Eating is nothing but a nuisance.

          The only time warwara have a feeling something is going in the right direction is when warawara meet with the people at a clinic. Their mere presence makes warawara want to observe them, to learn from them. They look and behave in a way that makes warwara only wonder why is that warwara cannot do the same. For some reason, ‘simple’ tasks are not so simple to warawara.



          Yumiko (夢巫子) is warawara’s other kueea. Singature by Kagomeko (化込子).

          Comment


          • #7
            Originally posted by .tomi View Post
            Even maintaining warawara’s own body by eating food, ensuring there is something to eat and drink in the fridge is an activity that warwara needs to force warawara to do, because if warawara don’t, warawara will just starve to death, all while thinking about some fictional worlds or how to develop warawara‘s software and maintain a server nobody but warawara use. Warawara actually feel the hunger but the hunger alone is not enough for warawara to go to the kitchen and actually eat something. Warawara need reason for going to the kitchen and do the eating. As if satisfying warawara‘s own hunger is not reason enough and is none of warawara‘s problems. Eating is nothing but a nuisance.
            Oh yeah, I know that. I'm sitting here and have to leave for a 7½ hour shift with no breaks in 30 minutes. I ate some bread in the morning and know I'll be fighting with quite some unpleasent feelings of hunger during the shift if I ain't getting up and eating something... Yet I'm still typing this instead of getting some food... (._. )

            Comment


            • #8
              Originally posted by .tomi View Post
              Warawara always felt like there is something in this world that warawara do not percieve. At one time, warawara‘s uncle died of cancer, and at the funeral, warawara saw family members crying, sad. Yet warawara felt like the whole affair has completely nothing to do with warawara. Warawara thought, that people here believe the dead uncle’s soul is now in some Heaven, so why are they crying? Aren’t warawara‘s uncle now is that ‘better world‘ warawara do not believe nor understand? Warawara was frightened at the time. Warawara was frightened that warawara felt nothing. It is those feelings that make people around warawara act and actually do things, to live. Warawara just stand there, doing nothing, wondering why warawara exist even and slowly dies off, not really understanding why things around warawara decay nor the passage of time.
              Yes, a similar thing has happened to me, except it was my Grandfather not my Uncle. I wondered why everyone was crying when they believe Grandfather's soul is in a better place? I couldn't feel what the others were feeling, so I felt only frightened, because I felt something must be wrong with me. Then I became more frightened, because what if the others found out? I didn't want to be punished or bullied, so instead of standing there doing nothing, I pretended to cry with them. I felt like a liar for faking my feelings, but I also felt like I had no other choice, because I couldn't let the others find out that something this bad was wrong with me.

              Warawara, thank you for telling your story, because it helps to be reminded that I am not the only one with a similar experience.

              JAHT, I am sitting here hungry too, and I even have food in my fridge, but apparently I can't be bothered to go get it. I don't do this to myself very often anymore, because I know it leads to low blood-sugar and more depression, but for some reason today I am relapsing into bad habits. In fact, I'm going to go get some food right now, even though it does seem like a nuisance, and I hope you'll do the same when you read this. You too, warawara! :-)

              Drenched
              "New studies suggest that cute images stimulate the same pleasure centers of the brain aroused
              by sex, a good meal or psychoactive drugs like cocaine" - New York Times, January 3, 2006

              ________ The Reeds Family ____________ The Parker Family ____________ The Ingalls Family ________


              My Humble AG3 Clothing Contributions | The AG3 RealBush Collection for RealDolls

              Comment


              • #9
                Originally posted by Drenched View Post
                JAHT, I am sitting here hungry too, and I even have food in my fridge, but apparently I can't be bothered to go get it. I don't do this to myself very often anymore, because I know it leads to low blood-sugar and more depression, but for some reason today I am relapsing into bad habits. In fact, I'm going to go get some food right now, even though it does seem like a nuisance, and I hope you'll do the same when you read this.
                Well it was 2 days ago that I wrote that but I did get a bowl of granola and Yogurt before leaving for my shift. (^-^)
                Thanks for the heads up. Hope you did get food as well.

                On the downside, I still didn't get through to my physician to get an appointment for therapy. (._. )
                Last edited by JAHT; 03-12-2017, 06:18 AM.

                Comment


                • #10
                  Hey guys, thnx for the replies. Was a lil bussy with college and things... I can say for now I'm learning japanese and trying to improve my drawing and finishing mi novel. Still, the situation in my third world country looks gloomy....
                  Truth tends to be sweet when accompanied by someone, bitter when you´re alone.

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    I identify with you in practically everything, down to nationality, aspirations, frustrations, interests...I think the only thing we're different in is our age, but that's about it. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if you lived in the same region I do.

                    Whatever the case, considering you've lasted so far, you're actually in college and you're aware of the problems around you, you have a much brighter future ahead of yourself than you think. You just need to keep working hard.

                    Cheers. I sent you a PM.

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      You're complaining about life? Are you living in a fucking war zone or something? I always found it incredible how people can always find something to complain about who never have to deal with starvation or simply staying alive on a day by day basis. Some of my mates are from places like Ukraine and Iraq, and at times even worse, the crime ridden inner areas of the town I am in. They shared with me their experiences of hell in their lives and what all of them have in common is that they realize to value life as it comes simply for the fact that it was given to them.

                      In fact reading your life story, I don't even see what it is you're getting worked up over.

                      You've dropped out of college. Great. Unless you're pursuing a STEM degree, all you're going to get out of it is debt, wasted years and indoctrination in postmodern batshit insanity. Looking back at my academic experience, everything I was put through in college was a fucking negative. The only thing that could have potentially come out of it, is if I had sucked up to the circle of sleazeballs I crossed with in business classes so upon graduation they could weave me into a comfy position in business or government so that I could then screw the fellow man alongside them. Which, I take it, is the real meaning of "academic success" these days. You want to learn, go to the library. A full day spent there is worth half a semester.

                      You're 25. Unmarried. That's another plus. Marriage is a great thing. Wonderful. Except when you come to a shocking realization that you can't back out of it. If there's something that bolts you into a routine existence of dependency without any option of an alternative, THIS is it. If you're going to go that route, you better be sure as hell that it's worth it. Usually it isn't by a long stretch. Good thing mine was a civil union.

                      You put yourself down. You show people your weakness. And you come expecting pity when you seem to be in no actual physical distress. I offer you this advice not because I like you, but because I'm sick of people doing this. It's got to be due to something in the water.

                      Finally you talk about how girls are icky and how you'll never want to touch one so long as you live. This is typical youthful maximalism. Trust me, you're shitting yourself. Men are prey. Women are predators. All this whining about how one has no chances with a girl is a load of crapola if you ask me. This isn't comodo dragon society. If you want to have a chance to get something half decent looking with you in the sack, go the gym. You can run away from nature but you can never escape it. Unless you're a fag.

                      Sooner or later you'll come to realize this. My advice to you then, always, always wear a condom and make sure the bitch is on the pill. Seriously I can't stress this enough.
                      When reading my posts, please imagine hearing them in Norio Wakamoto's Kaneto Shiozawa's voice.

                      Comment


                      • #13
                        Originally posted by Hayeate View Post
                        The only thing that could have potentially come out of it, is if I had sucked up to the circle of sleazeballs I crossed with in business classes so upon graduation they could weave me into a comfy position in business or government so that I could then screw the fellow man alongside them.
                        I'm not a counter culture leftist but I'm gonna tell you this is as true as it gets, everything out there is just a whole mafia like network of eminence-based privilege, people obscure facts and reality all the time, you're either one of them and play by their rules, or you're no one, there's a time when you gotta be smart and realize that there are enemies you can't fight against, at least not directly.

                        But don't take the easy way out either, know that the global leftist powers are taking this momentum, these bastards are smart as f***, and trust me, they're tapping on the weaknesses of people like you to create this movement of self entitled tools that find the blame in everything except themselves, which is nothing new either but that's another story, all the people that agree with and show sympathy for you are gonna try to use you and then throw you away like toilet paper, so watch it (maybe I'm wasting my time but .. might as well warn you beforehand).

                        And about the issue of finding a life partner, you're probably gonna need to work a great deal on your self esteem and overall self worth if you don't wanna end up in a dysfunctional relationship, easier said than done gotta admit, and you probably won't be able to at this point in your life, but what would I know? I stopped looking a few years back myself, you eventually realize that there's so much s*** going on in the world that really, you don't have the time to be crying over this sentimental drivel, I mean there's so much more you can do and achieve yourself, and maybe at the end you'll realize that, what you achieved on your own is worth more than what you could have achieved together with someone else, I mean ask anyone you know, married life really takes a toll on you, you will need to sacrifice many things in order to make it work, now I'm fearing that this might influence you negatively, but you gotta ask yourself -- is it really worth all that much? try to separate what is real from what is idyllic and then ask yourself, is it REALLY worth it?

                        Ringo Mogire BEAM
                        | HF-CLAMP #148 | HF-TYPE MOON #215 |

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