Message from the group admin

And I'm telling you to suck it up and deal with it if someone happens to like "disturbing" shit. Just because I don't like lolishit doesn't mean I'll block two of the buddies here. I don't know if JAHT suddenly decided to share you Inyouchuu shit or whatever, but you can always tell him "hey dude stop I'm not into this shit" and make it clear enough.

If you don't want him in this group because of some stupid Skyke drama, be my guest, it's your group. But leave it in this place and don't go around in the monthly threads telling people to censor themselves because you find their tastes objectionable because of "muh morals" or whatever, like you did in the January Thread. If not, you can always go to reddit and make /r/bakunyuu or make a Bakunyuu general in /h/.

Well Erobeholder I agree with some of the stuff Priss said. I strongly disagree with you kicking Jaht out and not only that he has contributed a lot on your group. My best advice would be to just simply ignore him if his tastes strongly different from yours.

Ummm. My advice would be to keep your Skyping issues on Skype. Don't know what he did, unless he did the same thing here you can't kick him out.

don't go around in the monthly threads telling people to censor themselves because you find their tastes objectionable because of "muh morals" or whatever, like you did in the January Thread.

I won't be doing that. If you thought I was going to – forget it, I wasn't.
I don't know if you noticed, but even when I did, in the end I admitted that people don't have to tiptoe around anything, since my perception is my own problem and not theirs.
I understand perfectly that nobody is supposed to cater to me and my sensitivity and "muh morals".
Although I admit I was trying to make JAHT do that for some time. But I already realized I was wrong.
And now that I think about it... that's pretty much what the "stupid drama" between me and him was all about.
I felt like I had to change him and I guess maybe I'm still trying to do that subconciously.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to see him.

Again, I'm not trying to justify what I did. I'm just trying to explain why.
Really I am up against myself here. It's my rational thoughts versus my feelings and emotions.
I just want you to know that not everything I do comes from rational thinking.
I'm emotionally unstable. That may be not very easy to understand.
I may seem like a relatively smart and totally reasonable person at some times, and a barely comprehensible crybaby at others.
I just happen to be a very emotional person who easily gets taken over by emotions, especially those caused by anxiety.
And that's when I can start doing irrational things like this. I'm really sorry this happened.

Trust me – rationally, I agree with you. But my emotions are a different story.
When they take over, they make me want to do things I wouldn't do if I was calm.

I'd love to learn how to overcome what I'm feeling towards JAHT, because I know he really doesn't deserve any of this shit that I've done to him.
I just need to find the right way to do it.
I think probably the biggest issue and the actual main reason for my anxiety was that he wasn't the person that I imagined, and I wanted him to be somebody else.
I guess maybe I still do that subconciously without realizing it.
I hope with some time and effort, I can overcome it.
I promise, I'll be trying my best.

Just keep in mind that I want everyone here to be happy, not just myself.
I would love us all to get along. Including JAHT.
It's just that I need to make an effort in order for that to happen.
I'll try, I promise.

Peace.

Well I don't really jump in on group chats though I do like my big boobies among my more deviant fetishes, which others like/dislike such is life.

It seems to bother you deeply what JAHT represents to yourself through your personal connections and while I can't speak of your personal connection and the differences between knowing someone on a personal level then a forum persona, since so many people have personal issues with the way they treat people. I think your doing the right thing in getting therapy in you expectation on yourself and other people creating a form of self anxiety, since this may be more of a mental health problem and could likely seep into other relationships you have with people through out real life.

It likely bothers JAHT too so i hope you can resolve your differences. You can always push your moral compass on people that is fine, everyone does that in some regard, but don't expect them to follow suit or give into the expectation you expect from him its too easy to get burned especially with anxiety which can be a fucked up thing knowing you get worked up over things most people and your own self tell you not too .

One of the things I like about the forum is the freedom to be able to express myself and not have to take comments on a personal level or feel obligated to do what anyone says since I'm not actually dealing face to face with the people and the emotional attachment that creates and expectation that would make me feel for myself and of other people.

I'd say take a break and relax since there is no point doing something that cause you stress or chat to some other people IRL or through PM, I'm sure you'll find other peps you are more comfortable engaging with to take your mind off it, that you don't find nearly as threatening or intimidating.

Take it easy and i hope you sort this out.
Keep watching them big boobies bounce.

Well until Jaht is back I'll see ya guys later

Thank you, Murderous Int! I'm very glad you can understand
Everything you said makes perfect sense.

And yes, this issue does come from a mental health problem. I've actually already been through situations like this a few times before in my life, so I pretty much found out what's it about. I think it has to do most with low self-esteem, lack of unconditional self-acceptance, and general "loss of self", that can easily occur when my anxiety and depression are peaking. And last year was very stressful for me and and brought me exactly that – it's made me more anxious and depressed than I remember being in years, and pretty much made my self-esteem drop below zero and made me feel like nothing. So I guess that's why I started obsessively seeking validation in someone else (in this case JAHT), and wanting them to agree with me on everything, including some of my rather strong beliefs they don't share. And since that was far, far from the case, it made me even more anxious (and angry). I couldn't stop obsessing over his thoughts, words and actions as if they were more important to me than my own. Again, this is not something I was doing rationally – I was being controlled by anxiety and insecurity and feeling of emptiness, and I do realize how screwed up it is.

But by far the stupidest thing I've ever done while trying to solve this problem is recently putting him on the ignore list and trying to think the worst of him in order to sort of diminish his image in my mind and get rid of his influence on me. Bad idea. I didn't realize that by doing that, I only started obsessing more about what he says or does and who he is, instead of letting go, and it built up to the point where I became deathly afraid of him, and that's when I couldn't take it anymore and removed him from the group. At that point I just blew up, and again, I'm sorry I did that. But I was seriously losing my mind at that point.

But I think that was the highest point my fear, anger and obsession could ever reach, and they're fading now.
Now that I took another good rational look at this situation and got your support, once again I believe I can sort it out.
I just need to remember firmly what I have to do and not to do, and not to repeat the same mistakes.
No more seeking unnecessary validation, no more obsessing over anyone or anything about them (even if it's something I don't like, because I don't have to) or what they say or think (even if it's something I can't agree with, because I don't have to), no more expecting anyone to be someone they're not, no more feeling upset or afraid because of the differences, and no demonizing anyone because of them either.
I don't want to do any of those things, and I'll do my best to make sure I don't do them unintentionally.
As long as I don't do any of that I think it's going to be all right

And I am going to apologize to JAHT and let him back in the group.
Probably tomorrow or the day after, I just need a little bit of time to calm down and let the new ideas sink in.

Thank you for your support
May the big boobs bounce upon us forever

Hey guys I'm back! \(^-^)/

Did you miss me?
No? (._. )
O-Okay... I'll just go back to what I've always done here then... ('-')

Anyway, I'm glad this issue is resolved and I'm still on good terms with Erobeholder.
Speaking of him, I wiash you all the best to get your personal problems sortet out, Erobeholder. It griefes me I couldn't provide you with the kind of help you need but I guess I just have to accept that that is beyond me.

Anyway, back to buisiness as usual than!
Last one who gets to Helga has to spend the next day with a cliqué of Pettankos!

Glad your back and Erobeholder is sorting his problem with you out.
Hopefully he will get well enough to join in with the community again.
After seeing you quote lil wayne else where. Here is a song I thought suits a welcome back.

Thanks, MI. (^-^)

But I'll better not bring controversy here, last thing we want is Erobeholder's problems itensifying.